


Survivors Guilt

by NEONVORE (orphan_account)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fighting, Hate Sex, Heartache, Regret, Slight mommy-issues, bad coping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21669124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NEONVORE
Summary: Steven and Spinel get into a fight, and do big and regrettable things. But at least they have each other.. kinda.
Relationships: Pink Diamond & Spinel (Steven Universe), Rose Quartz & Steven Universe, Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 95





	Survivors Guilt

It had been months since Spinel moved to HomeWorld with the Diamonds, and every now and then she would visit Earth; mainly when one of the Diamonds visited and bugged Steven endlessly, but other times she tagged along with the Pearls. Or rarely, on her own. And when she was around others, she was like a Chameleon. Latching into each conversation and trait like it was easy.

But when she was alone, it wasn’t quite the same.

She acted unsure, hesitant.. But more importantly, she lashed out.

Steven gave her the better doubt. She was healing, and with the constantly reminder of her pain almost everywhere, he could only imagine how difficult it was to handle. But it didn’t mean he would try and help. If anything, he did everything in his will to make all gems — including Spinel, feel at home. And safe. It was important to him, and important to the Crystal Gems.

And by now, Spinel was spoiled.

Utterly spoiled. She had so many hands, wanting and yearning to help. But she pushed them away - every single one. She wasn’t getting better, If anything worse. The tear riddled strikes on her cheeks were dark and mad, hair askew and frizzed and eyes ever so distant and lost almost.

The small gem held in ever bout of emotion she had. When mad, she would shaky and breathe fast — foot tapping fast and light-bases body basically emitting heat.

When she was sad — well. You’d know. It could last hours, or even weeks.   
  


She wouldn’t leave HomeWorld. And locked herself away to only darken the makeup ruined face she created.

So, what was the point with observing this? Nothing, really. It was hard to help someone who didn’t want help, and it was even harder once they hid themselves away from the real world.

Given all this, it shocked Steven to see the gem appear in his house. Sure, she used the warp pad; so it was given acknowledgment, but still surprising nonetheless.

She didn’t say a word, and neither did he.

He sat on the couch, brows furrowed as he observed her strange posture. She looked pale, eyes red and proving that she had been crying. But for how long? She made way to him and plopped in the free spot aside him, and sniffles. She didn’t speak, so Steven respected it and leaned in closely.

A black tear was dangling from her cheek, darkening her messy strikes. He leaned a thumb to wipe it away, and frowned once it stained his finger.

”..I want to hate you.”

She finally uttered, and his frown only deepens. “Maybe I do. I can’t tell tell ‘no more.” Her eyes glanced into her lap, and she fumbled strangely. “You, honestly, are the form of my problems.”

Her words stung. He knew she was hurt, and spoke and did most stuff on impulse.. But —

“Because.. Cause’ if it weren’t for you — she.. She’d be here. But you —“

His chest grew heavy and he couldn’t bother keeping toll on the next form of insults at him. Venting was one thing, but just because he matured and changed so much.. It meant, in no means, this specific talk didn’t hurt. “..What did she see in Earth? Flowers? Countless she already had — had in our garden? Humans? What did she say in you, what did she see in Greg and Pearl and—“

Inhaling sharply, he pulls away and folds his arms. 

“Don’t talk about them like that. Especially dad.. He didn’t know what he got himself into.”

Spinel shakes her head and glares at him — not state, not mourning and crying into his shoulder like he was used to. GLARES. “Don’t you think? Haven’t you ever wondered? Or..” Trailing off, he duly noted her foot tapping fast. “I.. Is this why you don’t peep a word? Were you in on this?”

You’re kidding.

”Did you know about me, but played dumb! Like — like she would? Pretend I wasn’t real, until your stupid, pathetic and DISGUSTING FACE-”

Steven turned to face her, and harshly grabbed her hands.

”No. I didn’t know you. I hadn’t heard about you, and I have nothing to do with mom’s freaked up way of ‘change’.”

Spinel grimaced and pulled away — hard, and pointed at him.

”Do you expect me to believe that? Believe every little PATHETIC thing you say? Do you.. Do you ever consider what I think? What I feel, what I’ve been through?” Tears brimmed her eyes, but out of pure rage. Her limbs twisted and turned in ways that would make a human grimace and look away — uncannily, she would keep shifting. But he only watched the freak show unleash further.

”It’s.. Not always about you. We — all of us, we have all been through a lot.”

She reaches in to tug harshly at his jacket, and he slaps her hand away. Keep your cool, she’s suffering. She’s hurting so bad. She needs to take her anger out, you just happen to me the closet thing.. Closest nearby, and closest to Pink.

”Ohhh forgive me! While I waited for thousands of years, you and your.. FAMILY, suffered with flowers and stupid Earth games and holidays and LAVISHED IN HER —“

Steven’s face burnt, utterly felt like he was on fire, and he barely comprehended he had leaned in to grab her toughly by her attire and press her into the couch. She looked sad, angry and shocked all at once. It didn’t stop her unwinding limbs.

”D - Do you really think this was my ideal paradise? If anything, I wish I was just human. That I had a normal, ALIVE mom — and dad! Tha - that, that maybe not every dang second some new gem my mom SOMEHOW messed up terms with, would destroy Earth and my friends!” She sneered, and looked away as she sassily rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to sputter back, but grumbled as he grabbed her face and made her look back.

She looked better like this. Stuck under him, not throwing a tantrum like usual; obedient.

He felt disgusting.

”You think I asked for this? Begged to some God to give me an unbearable life and constant bridge of dying or watching others die?”

Her hand slipped to tug gently at his jacket, and it seemed to be the last straw — he wanted to scream back, yell and punch and delve into the childhood pain he had to hide away while forced into his hero role.

Instead, he kisses her.

Presses heavy and hard, and slips a hand to pull — pull hard, at her hair. 

Spinel was confused, and it was obvious, but once she got the drift of the motions she kissed back, body shaking. Her heat turned cold, almost like a statue.

She tilted her head and he lapped in her flaming flavor, pulling away and blushing furiously at the string of saliva. “Do you really think I’d be that dumb to ask for this?” Catching his breath, he tugs at her top and noticed how it barely budged. “What? Let me guess, you want your stupid.. Stupid, old life back? Being bossed by mom — by Pink? Belittled, nothing compared to her?”

His heart aches at his own words. He instantly regretted it as tears lingered in her eyes heavily.

”Yes, my Diamond.” Her voice was hoarse, cracked.

Steven pulled away to tear his jacket away and moved a hand to the torn stockings she wore — fingering the ripped hole further as he glared at her. His regret was flamed over in an instant at the name.

”I’m. Not. Her.”

She watched curiously, and spread her legs a little in hopes to get a better glance.

”You know you are. CoOoOmE on out, Pinky Pink!” She taunted him, only to gasp as he tore the hole hugely in a matter of seconds as she played with him. “Awe’.. Iz’ my Diamond throwin’ a fit? Realizing I’m NOT. THAT. DUMB?”

His hands fumbled to unbuckle his pants, but he eventually got them off and tugged Spinel close.

”I know you’re in there. You’re just playing hard.”

Steven trailed a hand heavily up her thigh, tugging at her shorts. “How about you be a good Spinel, and shut your trap; clothes, off.” He hisses, and she grind madly — and for a moment he saw a twinge of hope in her empty eyes.

”You humans are disgusting.”

Her clothes flashed away, leaving her pink frame bare. Her belly was soft, pudgy and the rest of her frame was gentle and curved. Conflicting dramatically from her pained face and spiked hair.

Her breast proved to show her gem-stature, not as defined as a human female, but definitely there.

Her ‘lady-bits’ were just a bit different compared to normal, but the small heart button where her clit would be was enough for Steven to catch the drift. It was all the same in the end.

”Absolutely. Disgusting. Don’t think I read on stupid human bodies for nothing. Sides’.. I knew it would come to use.”

He shimmied his boxers down and stroked his length angrily, thumbing his head before pulling away to kneel and be face to face with her sensitive parts. “And you, of all people , thought I’d want this.” She cackles, but it sounded so, so pained. So tired. “I thought I could be of some purpose, I’m not unfamiliar to being used like a toy.”

Delving in, be lapped at her base and pressed further in to lick and suck on her clit. She shouts surprisingly and arched her back, groaning as she pressed herself down onto him.

With a few fingers, he split her open to reach her entrance — slackening her up and teasing her hole before shoving three fingers right in. In pained her, and it was noticeable.

”You are what you think you are. So if you want to be some forgotten toy, then go at it. It seems you’re good at it.” He sneers, pumping the digits in and earning whines and whimpers from Spinel. He kept at it before pulling away fast, and pushing his cock to her and grinds against her. The heating pleasure was barely acknowledged, as her words — and his words even, chanted in his head.

This was so wrong.

With one heavy thrust, he pounded into her. He kept the pace fast and brutal, incoherent babbling and sobs leaving the jester.

This was so, so wrong.

”Come o — ghn! C - Come on, Pinky.. That all you got?” She cries, and he yells and pins her down violently, pounding ruthlessly into her. If she was human, he knew she would bruise. Bleed even. 

“I’m not pink!” He yells, moving one hand that was on her wrist to her neck. He pressed hard, even if she didn’t need air. The idea was hopeful more then anything. “I’m not her, I’m not close to her — Pink Diamond is dead!”

She changed and sung in pleasure, her gem glowing brightly.

”Gh-Gnnn! Thas’ what.. She would say.” She snickers, and earns a smack.

It seemed the world stop.

”I’m not her. I never.. Never even met her.” His thrusts slowed, but his stomach burned and churned. His own gem matched the light of Spinel’s, and their pink lights seems to compliment each other.

”I’ll never meet her. She’s dead. I -. And it’s my fault. I killed her.”

Spinel pressed down once, and the heat and love was so overwhelming — and he came, deep into her. And he felt nothing.

”I killed her.”

The heat was gone, and all he felt was empty. Their gems seemed to pitch off completely, the two left panting and trembling against each other. “It.. Was I really worth it?” He asked out loud, to no one in particular.

He felt Spinel move under him, his length slipping out of her and earning a small groan from her at the feeling.

She kept quiet, eyes glossy and hands shaking hard.

Steven felt stuck. He couldn’t move.

The small, pink gem shifted again and stretched her arms to wrap around him, and gently hug him against her nude frame. She let one hand stretch to tug his pants back up, and to snag and wrap a blanket around him.

She snagged his jacket for herself.

”I didn’t even ask to be born. And it killed her.”

Spinel laid his head against her chest, avoiding the discomfort of her gem, and sobbed into his hair. “..I’m so sorry.” Steven chokes out, and she shakes her head and twirls a lone curl.

”Steven Universe. Let’s.. Nap.” Her voice was trembling and chattered, and her shaking body only enhanced it. He nodded, sulking, but wrapped his own arms around her.

And while he slept, she stayed awake. Hugging him closely and kissing his forehead when he would stir in his sleep. Play with his hair and cry apologies into his soft skin. She dreamed, not while asleep perhaps - but dreamed regardless, of a world. Where Steven could get the world he wanted. The world he deserves.

No pain. No fights.

Just happiness, and a mother’s unconditional love.

**Author's Note:**

> if there are mistakes it’s my dumb phone!!!


End file.
